Having good communication habits doesn’t mean we never experience conflict, or become angry; it means having the tools, inner resources, and self-assured energy to navigate tough situations skillfully when they arise. 

This post, and the script for delivering constructive feedback within it, is here to help you show up with increased confidence, trust, ease, and wisdom during your next difficult employee feedback session.

How do we fix the not fixing?

While quickly providing solutions to employees’ problems can be tempting, given your pressing deadlines and long list of important tasks, consider the value-building approach of asking them the right questions, which include benefits like helping them develop their problem-solving abilities, creativity, and resourcefulness.

Try a 5-minute self check-in exercise to build self-awareness.

Statistics show two-thirds of employees in the U.S. are completely disengaged or neutral about their work. This means that asking great questions, and listening even better, is more important than ever. Great leaders draw out the best thinking and performance from their employees. It’s about being present—tuning into yourself and those around you, and holding space for your team—and allowing the smartest people in the room to speak up, and genuinely listening, rather than dominating the conversation, and shutting down those around you.

Like attracts like, and we each attract and create our world. By focusing not on what was, only what can be, and eventually, what is, we can create the world we choose.

Guess what? Whatever we direct our attention to will expand. The result of a focus on scarcity is a life of fear, stress, and anxiety. Make the decision to change our mindset, and walk the path of abundance, great things start happening.

“Buddy, please don’t ever do that to me again.” This quiet, honest plea created connection and compassion. Rather than act on his initial impulse, which was to reactively yell, “Get in the car! How can you be so irresponsible and disrespectful? You’re so grounded!”

This one line changed everything in their relationship, find out why.